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I just wanted to say thank you for your insight. I have read every bit of advice you have given on this page and it has really helped me to feel a little bit better about my boyfriend looking up porn. I don’t particularly like him searching for women that he “likes”, but I now understand why he watches porn a little bit more. It has been a struggle throughout our relationship and it wasn’t even really about the porn, but the fact that he was talking dirty to his high school crush and I ended up accidently seeing it. It lowered my self esteem completely–I mean it decimated my self esteem– and then I found out that he was watching porn. We are working through our trust issues and he says he will never talk like that to another girl other than me or act like that with another girl and I honestly believe him, but still have a nagging voice that causes me to worry. And the sad thing about it was that we were absolutely great until all of that happened. It has been about six months and sometimes it is still hard to completely trust him when he says that I am the only one that he wants and that he only is sexually attracted to me (in real life because obviously he finds those girls attractive in porn.)but,anyways, it was hard when I also found out he watched porn (which I know it is a natural thing, but after that fatal blow to my self esteem and confidence…it was hard to get over the porn)and it still sometimes bothers me. I learned to keep that all to myself.
What do you do when the roles are reversed. My partner and I have been together 20 years. Sex has always been good. I did 15 years ago have an issue with porn because I felt as though he preferred that to me, which he always told me was not true. I love to look at porn too. I would choose to have sex with my partner everytime over being alone however busy schedules there just is not enough time to have sex everyday esp. with children. Recently he seems completely disinterested in sex. I thought maybe it was just he is 40 now thing. Then I find out he looks at porn everyday, sometimes several times. We have sex on average 1.5 times a week and half of that time he cant perform. He says 50% is good odds. When you have sex 6 times in a month I dont consider it good odds. He loves me and likes to do all the other domestic things together but tells me he is bored and I cant really expect him to be attracted to me after 20 years. He even recommend I go find a boy toy to meet my needs. This however is slippery slope when you are in a committed relationship. Why do men want there partner to be there while they go out and get pleasured by someone else???? It cant be because I let myself go, recently I really have gotten into working out and have lost like 50 pounds. Sex was never an issue before but is now. I dont get it.
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Quick question. Does he still take a long time when you have sex outside the house. I ask because some people get anxious if they are having sex with other people around and having sex in a shared home could be uneasy for a private person. Just though I’d throw that out there.
Thats really sad, How long have you had this shrink that they haven’t empowered you to leave this unloving, non existent union? I don’t know, we all have reasons for why we do what we do, why we stay, why we go. Everyone is different, there may be some general rules to different sexes but the fact is we are all different and we really can change the way we think as much as we are brainwashed by our elders and society when we are growing up.
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I have been with spouse for ten years and lately I have been wanting sex and he ignores me and says he is tired or not in the mood.I do everything under the sun to please him but he still don’t act on it..is he tired,cheating on me what would you think
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I figured getting pictures of me all sexy in nature AND getting pictures with one of my best girl friends would be PERFECT — sexy, smokin’ hot pictures of me, and my hubby will LOVE the pictures of me and my good friend to look at to take care of his girl on girl fantasy. I’m going to surprise him with the girl on girl photos. 😉
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No, it’s not normal but I could see how it could happen because you have more stimulus around you when you live with someone. But the regular sex should, biologically speaking, reduce the desire to masturbate. But he probably masturbated even more in the past when he was single.
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To all the ladies who suffer emotionally from her man checking out other women, and looking at porn: first let me start off by saying that this has been an ongoing struggle for me. It can be difficult, near impossible, to not feel hurt and angry. I cannot tell you how many times I tearfully confronted my husband, only to have him apologize and do it again. Lately I’ve just learned to not obsess about it, if I do, my marriage will be over, even if I have to force myself to get passed the initial hurt. One of the above posts used an analogy of men and porn to meet sexual needs, and how it would be no different (in the same concept) for women to find emotional gratifIcation elsewhere, so long as it didn’t lead to physical infidelity. The truth of the matter is, essentially it is comparable, and even further, is already being achieved, just in a more discreet way. Women are obsessed with romance novels, romantic movies, and the like. When we read and watch, we are stimulated emotionally and many times sexually, just using a different method. When I read a good romance novel, my husband does not take the lead male role. This is all a very fresh realization for me, but one I believe has already made a difference in my own perspective. I hope this can help some of you ladies. For the author: I do have one question about looking at dating sites and singles in the area. I did catch my husband doing this recently, and I believe him when he says that he wasn’t actually searching to find someone to cheat with, but is this normal behavior for a man when he is bored? Thanks!
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Thanks for this insight. The sex is fulfilling and attentive, and he always knows how to touch me. I just have always wondered about the constant need to have sex with me and jerk off. Even when we have sex 2 or 3 times a day and I go to work at night, he will still masturbate 2 or 3 more times while I’m away. He says he just needs to because I’m not there. I’m 28 and he is 32. He is generally a quite insecure and needy person through, cheating on me when we met 2 years ago. He says I don’t show him enough love because I’m still trying to get over that he cheated therefore the only form of affection he can get from me is sex. So he ALWAYS needs me to touch him and have sex with him. Pretty much always wants to have sex. Not complaining or anything, just curious or his motives?
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